Thread:Marcy Ababeer/@comment-26428862-20190617074742

As a preface, I'm sorry about this in advance. I said I would leave you alone in February.

I said in February that I was getting better in.. getting over this. While this may have been the case then, this is not the case now. I understand up front that I have absolutely no right asking anything from you. I have no right even talking to you. This is something I need to ask, however.

I want to start again.

I wasn't a great friend to you when we were together. I said a lot of awful stuff, I did a lot of awful things. Call them what you want, selfish, abusive, entitled, abhorrent, they were bad actions and I shouldn't have done them. There was and still is no excuse or justification for what I've done. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I hurt my what was my best friend.

I said a lot of things I would never say today.

I claimed a lot of views I had were integral to my beliefs, but nowadays I feel disgusted by them.

I started a lot of arguments, a lot of drama.

I made you uncomfortable, I disrespected you, and I spat on your boundaries. I hit some touchy subjects in ways I shouldn't have with you, and proceeded to hurt you more than I ever thought at the time. I took you for granted, and I took everyone else for granted. The most heartbreaking part for me was that I chose not to recognize my mistakes for so long.

I've been trying to make things right since December, and January and February's posts were a result of that. I've been trying to change for the better. I want to be the best I can be. I'm done hurting people. I'm still far from perfect, but I try to better myself for the ones I love.

I get that you may not trust me. I understand that, I said I would change a lot, but never made anything significant.

I get that you may not want to be around me, even if you do trust that I've changed. I understand. Apologizing doesn't change what I did, and the damage I've inflicted.

It won't hurt me whatever reason you might have that you don't want to be friends. I messed up, I did wrong by you. It would be wrong and entitled to say I even come close to deserving you. I'll never bug you ever again.

I understand that if you do decide to look past these things, if you do decide to forgive me, if you decide to try again with me, that things won't be magically back together. I still messed up and understand you would need time to even get used to being with me again. I will try my absolute hardest to make sure I do right by you though.

At the end of the day, the decision lies with you. And no matter what your decision is, I thank you for three years of friendship, even though I never reciprocated it very well. You were the best friend I've ever had and thank you so much for giving me a chance to begin with. I understand that I soiled this relationship multiple times, even when you chose to forgive me, and that was wrong of me. Whether or not this is farewell or a new beginning, I want you to be the happiest you can be. I want you to live the best life you can, whether or not that life involves me. 